New Moon

 Robert Pattison is rather ugly. Especially with his shirt off. I would have rather used my imagination than to actually see it first hand. Blech. I never did see Twilight in theaters. And I vowed to never watch the movie but I ended up watching it one Sunday night with my family. And it was horrible. The camera angles were weird and the actors were... mediocre. I'd never read the books and based on the movie, I swore I wouldn't. But then the summer came... and I was bored. I read all four novels within a two week period. And I liked them. Well at least the first two. So when my friend Michelle suggested we go see the movie, New Moon, when it came to theaters, I agreed.
 We went last night to see New Moon. I enjoyed it, I will admit. And Jacob Black won me over rather quickly. Maybe it's because Taylor Lautner is so much more good looking than pale, sickly, gay looking Robert Pattison.
  The moment Taylor Lautner took off his shirt there was clapping and cheers from the audience. I never realized that people could be so weird. I have always avoided opening nights for movies such as Twilight and Harry Potter. Big crowds aren't my thing. This movie was actually well done. At least compared to the first one.
  Now, to the most important thing about the movie... hot guy running around shirtless. He was totally ripped. And he had arms that... well put most other arms to shame. And you know how I am about arms... Well this actor has worked very hard to get arms (and other body parts) to be so well defined and muscular. It was well worth the $7.50 I paid to see the movie. Not to say that I consider guys to be pieces of meat... but I sure do enjoy looking at them.
 So, in the books I root for Edward, even though Bella is a twit and doesn't really deserve him. And in the movies I will root for Jacob, because Edward is a gay sissy who needs to not be so ugly.

Randomly being random...

It's sad when you find one of the best pair of arms connected to someone much too young for you. Or good hair on someone you just don't want to be attracted to. I have come to the inevitable conclusion that hot guys make me happy. Something about their eye candyness makes me giddy.
Perhaps it's not so good that I treat guys like pieces of meat. But seriously, what else do I have at this point of my life? I figure it's not a bad thing because it's mostly in my head or with my friends who know me. Maybe I'm not thinking right. Oh well.
I spent most of my shift at work today checking out guys... mostly the ones I work with. So sue me. I enjoyed it and it made work go by just a little faster.
Basically all I wanted to say was that I enjoy arms. The kind with the ripply muscles and the veins... dang... I'm almost drooling. Not good.
I better go now.

Going courtin'

I hate it when people, especially from my parent's ward, come up to me and ask me if I'm dating anyone. I swear, I'd love to just kick them in the shin. It's none of their beeswax! Besides, it rubs in the fact that 1) I don't have a boyfriend, B) I don't date, and 7)  boys just don't seem to like me. Thanks for taking the time to remind me of my pitiful excuse of a social life. Who decided it was their business to know whether there were "wedding bells" ringing in my future?

On to the actual dating issue... I feel really uncomfortable on dates. It's like I have to be someone else, just to make a good impression. I'm not saying that being on your best behavior is bad, I just don't care for the formality of it all. I'm the kind of girl who would rather hang out a few times before actually going out on a date. I'd be more comfortable if the person has actually seen me, in my element.

Now I know that dating is a good thing. But I swear, it is one of the most awkward practices in modern western culture. Or maybe that's just me? I just never feel sure of myself when it comes to going on a date. What does he expect? How should I act?

And then there's the hugging. Who came up with the inane idea that there should be a goodbye hug? Why can't we just shake hands and call it good? At least on a first or second date. After that a hug should just come naturally. I am not a hugger by nature. I have to feel really comfortable with a person before I feel like I can hug them freely.

In my opinion, I'd be totally okay with an arranges marriage. Okay... so perhaps I wouldn't be. But sometimes I think it'd be nice to not have the ever pestering pressure to date. Maybe this dating thing is just intensified due to the location of the setting. Northern Utah is definitely a place that puts a high emphasis on dating and more importantly marriage.

Can't a girl have a break?

Maybe my whole problem with this is... I'm socially inept...

Fearless

 I am a wuss. I am a coward. I am chicken. I am so afraid of the consequences that may or may not occur because of something I might do, that I end up not doing it. It makes for a rather unadventureous life. Heck, an uninteresting life. I avoid situations that could potentially lead me to leave my comfort zone. To leave my safe place.
  I love Taylor Swift. I really hate that they don't put her song "Fearless" on the radio. It's such a great song and I have gotten inspiration from it more than once. I wish I were fearless. Truly fearless. I am often envious of those people who can do things I only imagine doing.
 I am afraid to show people what I'm really thinking. I am afraid of failure. Of not being good enough. I have all these fears rolling around inside me. One time, just once, I'd love to be truly fearless. But I fear I am too much of a wimp. I think too much. I stress too much about what could happen. What should happen. It is both a blessing and a curse. I'm a voice of reason. Sometimes.
 I have my adventures and I am fearless through the books I read and the movies I watch. I am fearless through my own writing. The heroine has all the characteristics I don't. Being fearless, being strong, being able to state what's on her mind.
 Jumping off a bridge into the frigid Logan River in the middle of the night in November. Finally touching his arm. A first kiss. A simple conversation. Eye contact with someone cute. Dancing on the way home from school. Singing at work.
It's really quite simple. Yet it is the hardest thing to do sometimes, being fearless.

Fearless lyrics
There's somethin' 'bout the way the street looks when it's just rained
There's a glow off the pavement, you walk me to the car
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot, yeah

We're drivin' down the road, I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool, run your hands through your hair
Absent-mindedly makin' me want you

And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless
And I don't know why but with you I dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless

So baby drive slow 'til we run out of road
In this one horse town, I wanna stay right here
In this passenger seat, you put your eyes on me
In this moment, now capture it, remember it

'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless

Well, you stood there with me in the doorway
My hands shake, I'm not usually this way
But you pull me in and I'm a little more brave
It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin'
It's fearless

'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless

'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless

Somehow matchmaking became the name of the game...

I can't think of anything profound or interesting to write today. I'm trying to kill time. Why? I have know idea. But that's what I'm doing so here I am. Writing a completely meaningless entry that no one wants to read.

Heck I don't even want to read it.

I think I'm going to try my hand at matchmaking, but perhaps that is too... invasive. I don't have luck with guys so maybe someone else does. I have come to the conclusion that I am doomed to walk the planet alone forever... like the Incredible hulk. (Name that movie.) Okay, so that's a little dramatic, but seriously. I am naive in the ways of boy/girl relationships. I have no experience. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But sometimes it is increadibly annoying when I get asked the perpetually invasive question "Are you dating anyone?" I'm sorry but that's incredibly not their business! And it just seems to rub in the fact that I am 100% incredibly SINGLE. Thanks for that little reminder. So... enough about me and my relationship status...

That was a tangent. I just feel that instead of wasting my efforts on guys who don't want anything to do with me... I'll waste my time getting other girls dates... hopefully.

Boys have a tendency to be dumb... but then again so do girls. We're all just stupid and completely clueless. Yet, we still try and make something happen. Even when it's not supposed.

So... Matchmaking... hmm...