Saturday, May 29, 2010

My Own Little Corner

My mom has a favorite musical that she enjoys watching every now and then. It's the Rodgers and Hammerstein's version of Cinderella. In this version of Cinderella there's a song called "In My Own Little Corner" that Cinderella sings just before her Fairy Godmother shows up. The song is about how Cinderella doesn't need the outside world; she's created one in her mind, in her own little corner by the fireplace. Of course, she really does need to be out in the world but due to extenuating circumstances she's unable to participate.

I was thinking about this particular song the other day and how it really relates to my own life. Even though I am involved in the outside world, unlike Cinderella, I don't really feel like I'm involved. I'm like an outsider looking in. I live on the edges of society. I'm there but not there. I have my own little corner that I've made for myself. My corner isn't necessarily a physical place; it's more of a state of mind for me.

There's a line from the song: "In my own little corner, in my own little world I can be whoever I want to be." That's my life exactly. Only who I want to be ends up in my writing. Someone who isn't me. Not that I don't like me it just... sometimes I wish I weren't so... like myself. I'm introverted and a little socially awkward.

In my own little corner I'm confident and witty and I'm not afraid to speak my mind. Maybe someday my Fairy Godmother will come and rescue me from myself, just like she did for Cinderella.

Thursday, May 27, 2010


I haven't had the internet for 3 weeks. It's been rough but kind of nice. The roughest part was the whole IF I got in one of my classes because the project I turned in didn't get turned in the right way or something. So I've had to communicate with the teacher and try and get things fixed. Talk about stress. Thankfully that has been resolved as of yesterday. Yay!
The good thing is that I've been able to concentrate on reading and writing. I'm currently working on this book that I hope turns out as good as I want it to. I just need a really good suspenseful thing. Like a kind of plot the is mysterious. I don't think this is making any sense. Oh well.
I get the internet tomorrow in my apartment and I'm both excited yet a little bummed. Excited because I won't feel like I'm disconnected from the world but bummed because I'll be reconnected to the world. It's a bittersweet moment.
At least I'll be able to write more blog posts now. That's something good. Here's to being disconnected.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Private Eye

I’d worked for Spencer Ryan for almost a month before a client came to the office. I came in at 8:30 every morning and unlock the office door. Flipping on the light switch, the small room is bathed in a mixture of early morning and artificial light. The sight that greets me is very different from the stark, bare office that I first encountered. 

The furniture remained dusted and cleaned. Simple paintings hung on the beige walls and potted plants were strategically placed in the corners of the room. It’d only taken me about a week to get the office from bare to homey. Well as homey as you can make an office. 

Unfortunately, Spence doesn’t let me touch his office. His office looks as if a tornado has run through it. Or a herd of really messy cows.
 It was about 11:15 the first time that a client showed up at the office. Before the client showed up, I had spent most of my time twiddling my thumbs. There weren’t many phone calls to answer and not a lot of mail and, of  course, not clients. Thank goodness for the very new Mac that sat on my desk. I spent a good part of this first month learning how to use the new computer. I’d been raised on PCs so it was an adventure exploring this different technology.
This particular day I was writing up my letter of resignation. I’d been putting up with this lack of activity for three and half weeks and I was tired of it. I was focused on the wording of my letter when I heard the door open.

Glancing up, I was surprised to see a very pregnant woman standing in the doorway. Her bleached blonde hair was curled and hung around her neck in soft ringlets. She wore expensive maternity clothes and to my utmost surprise, she was wearing high heels. A pregnant woman wearing heels, not something you see everyday. She had a Gucci bag on her shoulder and her manicured fingers pushed the door closed behind her.

“Hello.” I said. I hadn’t ever dealt with anyone before. What was the protocol?

“How can I help you?” I asked after she ignored my greeting.

“I need to speak to Spencer Ryan.” Her clipped accent grated against my nerves.

“Okay. Let me see if he’s available.” I stood up and went to Mr. Ryan’s door. I licked my lips and straightened my spine. I knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Spence’s deep voice was muffled through the wood.

“Mr. Ryan?” I stuck my head into his cluttered office.

“How many times have I told you to call me Spence?” He asked me. I shrugged. I didn’t think it was professional to call my boss by his first name, out loud anyway.

Spence rolled his eyes at me, “What can I do for you Tessy?”

“It’s Tessa. Tess-UH.” I corrected for the umpteenth time. “And there’s a woman out here who would like to see you.”

“What’s her name?”

“Oh. Uh… I don’t know.” Why hadn’t I asked her name? Oh yeah, because I’ve never dealt with a client before.

Spence stared at me for a moment, probably wondering why he’d hired an incompetent assistant.

“Send her in.” He stated as he finished signing some papers.

I nodded, “Yes sir.” I moved the door open even further and turned to the woman who still stood in front of my desk.

“Mr. Ryan will see you now.”

The woman merely gave me a curt nod before passing me and entering the cluttered office. She closed the door behind her, making it impossible for me to hear the conversation going on inside. Darn it. Not that it was ethical for me to hear the going-ons of a Private Investigator and his client. I was just the assistant. Really just a glorified secretary.

I sat back down at my desk and resumed writing my letter. Just because one client showed up at the office didn’t mean that I was needed. The pay was pretty good, but I was going to go insane if I didn’t have something to do soon. As I finished wording my conclusion my mind wandered to when Spencer Ryan had hired me.

I was nervous for my job interview. I’d interviewed at three other places and none of them had seemed very interested. This was turning into a last resort. I showed up at an empty office and just when I thought I was going to break down and cry someone came up behind me.

Standing in the doorway, all broad shouldered and hot, was the most attractive man I had ever laid eyes on. His dark hair was tousled like he just ran his fingers through it; his square jaw was covered in dark stubble. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a dark gray tee shirt that showed off a very well built body. I’m pretty sure my mouth was hanging open like an idiot.

“Are you Tessa Holbrook?” He’d asked. Tingles filled my stomach with the sound of his deep voice.

I could only nod dumbly. He walked sat down on one of the waiting chairs and motioned for me to take the one next to him.

“I’m Spencer Ryan.”

“You’re Spencer Ryan?” I’d asked incredulously.  He seemed too attractive to be a PI. I’d been expecting an older Humphrey Bogart kind of man; someone with a receding hairline whose wife sent him with a packed lunch everyday. Not a male model.

“Yeah. So are you still interested in the job?” He asked, oblivious to my lack of coherence in his presence.

“I’m here aren’t I?” I gave a light chuckle and smiled, trying to act cool and collected.

He gave a slight smile, revealing a deep dimple in his right cheek. Tingles erupted again in my stomach. “Can you start on Monday?”

“Today’s Friday.” I reminded him. Maybe he was confused on days. Did he really want me to start right away?

“I know. So is Monday good?” He repeated, his dark brown eyes melting my knees. Good thing I was sitting down.

“O-okay.” I nodded nervously.

“Great.” He dug into his jean pocket and pulled out a single key. “Here’s the key to the office and I’ll grab the paperwork. Just fill it out and bring it back on Monday. Be here at 8:30. I like to have the office open at 9.”

I nodded, unable to speak. I took the key, which was warm from being in his pocket. I tried not to bounce my knee. This was not at all what I had expected. Where were the annoying questions about what I wanted to gain from working here? And what about my past work experience?

“Are you sure you don’t want to know about my experience in an office?” I asked hesitantly.

He chuckled a little as he stood up and looked down at me. “I’m an investigator. I know all about you.” He disappeared into an adjoining office for a few minutes and came back out with a small stack of papers in his hand. Mr. Ryan held the papers out for me to take.

“Thank you Mr. Ryan. I really appreciate this.” I stood up glad my knees hadn’t gone out on me.

“You can call me Spence.”

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I am Ironman!

It's been awhile since I've gotten on here to write. Of course that could be contributed to the fact that I don't currently have internet in my new apartment. I've tried to think of something specific that I should write... yeah, today I'm just going to babble a little bit.

Last night I got to see "Ironman 2" with my familia and it was AWESOME!!! Like it was totally a guy movie but I really enjoyed it. And I really enjoyed Robert Downey Jr. He's really doing some great roles. I loved him in Sherlock Holmes. There's something about his dark brown eyes that makes a girl melt. Or maybe I just think he's hot and I need someone to fill that empty place inside my heart. Ha ha ha ha! Just kidding. (I think).

Okay, so I've already run out of stuff to talk about. I need to cogitate (my word of the day) and come back with something actually worth reading (and writing).

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


This is just a shout out to a little girl (I guess she's about 7) named Savannah. She comes into Maceys all the time with her mom and they usually come through Self Checkout, which I'm often working. Savannah is one of the sweetest little girls ever. She is always so happy and so talkative. And she always says hi and wants to talk to me. 

Yesterday she gave me a single rose (which I'm pretty sure one of the floral dept people gave her) and I was just so surprised and touched. It's not often that I get flowers or a flower and for her to just be so willing to give me a pretty flower was just so sweet. 

Let me tell you that it definitely made my night. So here's to Savannah!

Oh by the way, the rose she gave me happens to be my favorite color of rose, as shown in the picture.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

The Clark Kent Effect

I debated about whether I wanted to write this post or not. Obviously I've made my decision because I'm writing it now. One of the reasons I didn't want to write this was mostly because I feel like all I do is talk about...certain subjects. Okay I talk about boys a lot! But it's my blog and I'll write about what I want!

So the topic of this discussion is boys... in glasses.

Lately I've noticed that I really like guys who wear glasses. I just think there's something so cute and adorable about a guy with glasses. Granted, not every guy looks good in glasses. But there are a good number of guys that are just so cute with their glasses on. (Like my 17 year old co-worker- yeah I know. I'm a creeper!)

I call it "The Clark Kent" effect. You know how Superman was Clark Kent by day. Clark was always a little bit cuter to me than Superman. A cute guy in a pair of nice glasses just gives me tingles (actually I don't usually get tingles but it makes me happy).

So there you have it. I know it's kind of incomplete... let's just say that it's a work in progress. One I think I'm gonna enjoy figuring out.