Thursday, October 14, 2010

I can't pretend though I tried to hide, I like you...

You know that feeling where your breath catches in your chest and your heart starts to pick up tempo? Suddenly your cheeks start to feel overheated but you're not sure if you're blushing or not. All rational thought leaves your brain and any attempts to be witty are lost in your stuttering.

Even now the thought makes my breath catch in my chest. How do you deal when you have a crush? Specially with someone you may or may not work with? The nervousness that comes out of nowhere. Weeks ago, just seeing him wouldn't have done anything. Now, the mere sight of him causes reactions that I try to hide.

Now, whenever I walk into [a place] I can't help but look around. Is he here? Then I catch sight and a flutter of butterflies in my stomach stir up. I try to pretend that I haven't seen him, that I haven't been looking for him. I swallow down the joy that leaps within me. Just seeing him makes me happy, fills me with gladness. Then I scold myself. What am I thinking? We barely know each other. He doesn't care.

Then he talks to me. I try to hide it again by being casual. Cool. I smile at his story. Make a little comment. All the while my heart is pounding, my hands are shaking, and my breathing is hitched. How can I keep it hidden? Every time he's near me it comes back. How do I act naturally around him? How do I keep it a secret from him and the rest of the world?

And then I wonder... does he think of me the way I think of him? Does he even realize that I exist? Is he as aware of me as I am of him? When I accidentally find myself watching for him and I catch his eye, what is he thinking? Am I completely nuts? Am I a stalker?

Suddenly I feel like I'm in Taylor Swift song. She does have a way of describing the feelings and process so it sounds catchier than it is. I guess, after my ranting and confusion, I'll leave with this from Colbie Caillat:
I think my heart skipped a beat. I'm standing here and I can hardly breathe. You got me. Yeah, you got me.

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