If you're an awesome person, you can see Maria, from The Sound of Music, running down the dirt street just outside the Von Trapp house with her guitar and carpet bag. She's belting this song out in an attempt to build up her courage. It's a very poignant moment if you ask me. I mean, here is this young almost-nun out of the abbey for the first time to take care of seven young children. She young and scared. (I totally know how she feels.) By the way, if you didn't have this scene pop up in your head then maybe you're not that awesome of a person... Just something to think about.
Okay, despite the title, I really don't have confidence. These last couple of weeks I've had several people tell me that I need to have confidence in myself. Well here it is: I don't have confidence in myself. I struggle to ever pretend that I have confidence. I mean, how does one go about gaining confidence anyway.
My mom (who is awesome and wonderful and smarter than she thinks) told me, after I had a minor melt down over a new technical writing job, that I should have confidence in myself and my writing skill. In the midst of my breakdown, which in comes in the form of tears and sobbing and messiness, I admitted that I don't have confidence. She told me that I got that from her. Uh, I didn't know lacking confidence was hereditary but okay, whatev.
I never realized how scary real life is. And how hard it is. I have this project and I just can't seem to make any headway on it. I don't know if it's the subject matter or the actually requirements but it is really hard for me. I try to focus and do what I need to but it doesn't seem to be effective. Maybe, in school, I've gotten so used to just sliding by and now I don't know how to do real, good work.
Maybe I'm just not that great of a writer. See? I think I'm the one that makes me not have confidence. I second guess everything that I do. I second guess what other people might think or say. I second guess life. Thus, the lack of confidence.
How do I make it in the real world? How do I be an adult? How do I get rid of this sinking feeling in my gut every time I work on this project? Anyone have any answers for me?